Let the Squirrel Wars begin!!!

 Let the Squirrel Wars begin!!!
Squirrel hunting anyone? Photo courtesy of Lorissa Soriano

by Lorissa Soriano
4-18-2018

The Special Ops Department of Squirrel Eradicators (D.O.S.E.), in partnership with the Reconnaissance Division of Varmint Hunters (D.O.V.H.) stationed in Modoc County, is currently looking for new recruits and fast shooters to join them as they prepare to do battle with rogue Spermophilus terrorist organizations who have been threatening to destroy farm and ranch lands throughout the County. 

The D.O.S.E. and the D.O.V.H. are both anti-Spermophilus organizations. These special groups have been in training all year, stocking up on ammo and sighting in their rifles, preparing for the incursion of “Al Beldingi Spermophilus,” or more commonly known as the ground squirrel or sage rat. 

The “Al Beldingi” is a militant Spermophilus terrorist organization. This organization’s primary goal is to wreak havoc on unsuspecting farmers and ranchers, Not only in Modoc, but throughout northeastern California, causing mass destruction and annihilation to acres of crops wherever they go.

These terrorist groups hide underground, staying off the grid during the winter months. During this period of subterranean activity, groups undergo training, develop plans, and conspire to desecrate public and private agricultural lands all over the region. 

When springtime arrives, numerous radical Spermoplilus movements begin to organize their troops and start infiltrating farmlands and ranches from their subterranean strongholds.
Characteristic militant techniques include suicide attacks, burrow booby traps and simultaneous dirt clod bombings of different targets.

Currently, the weather in Modoc County is a little chilly, but the weekend weather report looks very promising, plenty of sunshine. Most of the grounds are almost thawed out and somewhat dry, prompting those furry little terrorist creatures to come out of their underground fortresses and begin their invasion earlier than normal. This has caught many of the farmers and ranchers off guard. However, Special Ops Squirrel Eradicators and Recon Varmint Hunters here are savvy to their plans and are ready to retaliate. Their mission is to destroy these terrorist cells wherever they exist. Let the Squirrel Wars begin!



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